Holly's 10 Rules for Fair Fighting

A random conversation I observed:

I was requested to post these after another topic on marriage. These
rules come from stuff my dad told me, years of therapy, and my own observations
about relationships. Contrary to popular belief, sticks and stones can
break your bones and WORDS CAN HURT long after the argument has died down.

10 RULES FOR FAIR FIGHTING

1. Listen completely to the other
person's point of view before expressing yours and try to understand what their
point is.

2. Be respectful of their opinion; even though it's not your
point of view, it deserves respect.

3. No belittling the other person or
their ideas.

4. NO SARCASM!

5. No name calling or swearing at the
other person.

6. Don't gunnysack; stick to the subject at hand! Do
not bring up old arguments or other things that have nothing to do with the
current argument itself.

7. STAY RELEVANT

8. Realize that in general
there is no right or wrong in an argument-only differing points of view.

9. Take
several deep breaths, count to 10, and remind yourself why you love the other
person.

10. Ask yourself, "How important will this argument be to me in 10
years?" Remember that who started the argument is irrelevant. The
important thing is to resolve it as quickly as possible, in a manner that
will strengthen your love for each other and bring you both greater
understanding of each other.

COMMUNICATION AVOIDS CONFRONTATION I
hope you find these useful and if you have any points to add, post them so I can
add to my own list. And just remember that it is better to have loved and lost
than never to have loved at all.

Matt H. says:

I couldn't be in a relationship with anyone who really believed most of that list. There IS right and wrong. Some ideas must be belittled because they are stupid, petty, or both. Some points of view do NOT deserve
respect (women are not as smart as men, blacks are lazy, etc.) No sarcasm? Pass. I use argument and anger as a measure of the health of a relationship. It's not the subjugation of these feelings, or the
acceptance of them, but the ability to -survive- them that makes a relationship stronger. I don't want to argue with Mr. Spock - I want to argue with MY WOMAN - my crazy-ass logic, shrieking, foot-planting, eye-rolling, threatening my manhood, door-slamming, hysterical
weeping, and violent passionate (perhaps criminal) make-up-sex having WOMAN.

CONFRONTATION -IS- COMMUNICATION

I hear you Matt. I hear you. If only all men were so appreciative of passionate women.